A Remarkable New Identity
The Next Chapter of Blog, Podcast, and more
I’ve been complacent for much of my life, taking the path of least resistance at every turn like a nomadic human choosing to forage berries and nuts, rather than go through the tiresome and often unfruitful process of hunting gazelles. But the nomad who subsists on only foraged foods and disregards the need for protein grows stunted in body, mind, and spirit. While I grew to a healthy 5’9 on a good day, my mind and spirit suffered from my apathy, and I did not realize my critical error until it seemed too late.
This is a severely limiting belief—that it’s too late—and one I refuse to accept. Such is a central theme of this next Remarkable™ chapter, which we’ll get to shortly. Discovering one’s true calling (I don’t think I even like “calling” it this), beneath all the bullshit distractions of modern society, is no easy task. Maybe for some it is—and for those people I offer a hearty congratulations and a whisper of “fuck you” under my breath—but not for me.
I thought my “calling” would miraculously show its face one day, and I’d kick my bad habits and throw myself into study or work. I mean, it’s in the name: “calling”. It is supposed to “call” upon you, you’re not supposed to “call” it. It’s supposed to reach out to you through the ether of purpose and say, “I’ve been trying to reach you about your calling in life.” Instead, I interpreted its silence as it saying, “hello, it’s your calling here, I spoke to the calling committee and they said you’re not obviously tremendous at anything, so we don’t know, maybe try marketing or some shit.”
Thus, my indifference was cemented. But being such a casual, easygoing and generally chill guy has its downfalls. Growing up, I was never too concerned with discovering passions, figuring out my place in the world, or even helping people, much as I might have pretended. I went to school in New Orleans because it sounded fun—and it was. I picked Marketing as my major because it sounded practical and easy—and it was. I took a job at a Marketing agency because it made good money, and getting a job that made good money was what I was supposed to do.
I didn’t live; I let life happen to me.
I wasted a good education, and while I was smart enough to get by with good grades and minimal effort, and adaptive enough to adequately perform my job when I entered the workforce, my heart was never in it.
So began a cycle of shame for my selfishness, guilt at my apathy, and remorse over my squandered privelege. I’ve had everything I could need in life, and still I felt directionless. For two years I continued down this path, all the while dealing with small fiber peripheral neuropathy, which left me mostly unable to socialize, exercise, or do many of the things I once loved. My identity shattered and I withdrew into myself. I reached a turning point, though, in Spring of 2020 when I decided to turn to therapy, which I had always resisted.
I’ve recently struggled to come to terms with who I was during this time, to figure out why I was so passive and self-righteous. There are no easy answers, but the best thing I can do is forgive myself and move on.
So here I am, 27 years old and feeling behind in life, knowing I want something different but not knowing how to get it or even what it will be, exactly. We aren’t designed for the hyper-specialized capitalist society we live in, and as someone with ADHD, it has driven me crazy trying to make myself fit in a system that makes no sense to me.
This blog is an exploration of my personal growth through books and film. It’s a way of educating myself on the complexities of our world, and organizing my views, through a study of art. I won’t promise I’ll present PhD level arguments, succinct, poignant, and revelatory. But I will be honest. Truly great writing comes from deep within, the parts of one’s psyche that they’d rather suppress. My best writing has come when I take a hard look at myself or reveal hidden truths about my identity.
Already, my post about Spirited Away has resonated with people, vulnerable and embarassing as parts of it were to share. People value truth above all else, even if my specific circumstances are foreign to them.
“If you are going to be a successful writer ... you have to be willing to do the equivalent of walking down a street naked. You have to be willing to show too much of yourself. You have to be just a little bit more honest than you’re comfortable with.”
My passion for writing has been hidden in plain sight all my life. This is now my fourth blog, and I’ve written all sorts of things in my spare time. I want to figure out how to turn writing into a career eventually, but for now, I am content to work on my craft and figure out what I actually want to say.
I am working on a novel right now. It’s my first creative writing project outside of short stories, and boy is it a challenge. I’m 62,000 words into it, but I’ve taken a break over the past week or two to really think about how I want to push it across the finish line. Likely, the first draft is going to be an incoherent mess, but that’s okay. Neil Gaiman personally told me that the most important part of creative writing is finishing, not starting.
Creativity is something I’ve felt was better left to others. I can’t draw or paint to save a baby’s life, and I’ve desperately failed every instrument I’ve tried. I figured my mind was logical and analytical, rather than imaginative and cerebral. However, I’ve discovered my view of creativity was far too narrow. Really, creativity just means the ability to form something novel & valuable—to create. I’ve created a podcast, I’ve created stories, I’ve created a world in which to set one of these stories, I’ve created this blog and many others, I’ve created a side-venture. I’ve created my identity.
You may be asking yourself if this is just another in my long line of ADHD hyperfixations. A fair question, but I don’t think it is. And this is because it can encompass all my ADHD hyperfixations in one place. I can explore a topic that interests me, unpack it, and move on with a deepened sense of self. Books and films have engaged me for as long as I can remember, and writing about them simply seems the logical thing to do. I’ve done it in the past on Letterboxd, in fact, though I hope that these reviews will be more focused and well-researched.
All this being said, I’ll wrap up by previewing a few posts that I have planned for the future.
More about my fantasy novel inspired by Hawaiian history and the US’ illegal annexation
Ryan’s Remarkable Book Nook - my side venture
Ryan’s Remarkable Book & Film Reviews in podcast form!!! And maybe short-form video??
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (currently reading)
Vietnam War - no idea what this will be about, but definitely will involve the phrase “Fuck Robert McNamara”
Hawaiian history series
The Stranger by Albert Camus (currently reading)
Parasite
The Iron Giant
Princess Mononoke
Pan’s Labyrinth
Everything, Everywhere, All At Once
Black Swan
Any other books I read
I am certainly open to suggestions. You can reach me at remarkablebooksandfilm@gmail.com. Otherwise, I’ll see ya next time ;)
